Writing a letter to the birth father allows you to collect your thoughts without the pressure of direct contact.
Our last blog offered suggestions for how to contact the birth father about your pregnancy and adoption plan. This is often a very challenging and emotional process, and it can be hard to know exactly what to do. For many birth mothers, contacting the birth father directly is not an option. In this case, it may be helpful to write a letter to the birth father. Here at Adoption Makes Family, we understand that it may feel a little overwhelming to put everything you want to say or feel you should say in one letter. That’s why we’ve provided some tips for writing your letter to the birth father that we hope will guide you as you find the right words to say.
Be Upfront About Your Adoption Plan
Some birth mothers are hesitant to let the birth father know about their pregnancy and adoption plan. However, you may find that having the father involved in the adoption process will help things move much more smoothly. If you are fearful or uncertain about how to approach the birth father, you can always appoint your adoption counselor or attorney to maintain contact with the birth father so that you will never have to be in direct contact with him if you wish. If you don’t know who or where the father is, or if the father is unsupportive or uninterested, Adoption Makes Family can still help.
Invite Him to Be Involved
When you write your letter to the birth father, be sure to mention that you would welcome his cooperation and involvement in the adoption process. It’s important to tell the birth father about your adoption plan and gain his consent because the adoption cannot go through without the consent of the known birth father. It’s also important to keep him involved and informed throughout. If you don’t keep the birth father well-informed throughout the adoption process, he may be able to challenge the adoption later by saying that he didn’t know about it. Prospective adoptive families will feel more at ease knowing that the father will not challenge the adoption after the child has been adopted into their new family.
Explain Your Decision
You may want to use part of your letter to briefly explain why you considering an adoption plan for your child. Paint a picture of the wonderful life your child will have with an adoptive family family. Share with him the details you have learned about adoption and the benefits you have learned about creating an adoption plan. Make sure the birth father knows how his cooperation will lead to the happiness of your child. Let him know that he plays an important role and that you would appreciate his cooperation and involvement.
Want More Help? We Are Here For You!
Adoption Makes Family is here to help! We are a non-profit (501-C3) licensed adoption agency based in Maryland. Our birth parent adoption counselors are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for your convenience. If you would like our advice or just need to talk, please give us a call at any time.
24-Hour Hotline 410-683-2100
If you have any questions about how to create your adoption plan, you can contact us by e-mail – dr.kirschner@adoptionmakesfamily.org – or use our online contact form. Adoption Makes Family was founded to meet the needs of birth parents and adoptive parents in a manner that is sensitive, compassionate, and personal.