Calling the birth father is a preferable means of contact for many birth mothers.
Sometimes, telling the birth father about your adoption plan can be a little intimidating. You may even be unsure of when to tell him or if you should tell him. Below are three ways to gently broach the topic, each with their own pros and cons.
Talk to the Birth Father in Person or By Phone
If possible, speaking directly to the birth father is the best way to tell him about your adoption plan. Talking directly gives you the opportunity to delicately answer all his questions about your adoption plan and the adoption process. This also gives you a chance to tell him about the benefits of adoption and how he can be involved in the adoption process. However, if you feel that meeting the birth father in person will put you in an unsafe position, it may be best to try a different method or to make sure you meet with other people around to protect you.
Write a Letter or Email to the Birth Father
If you feel unsafe or intimidated by talking to the birth father in person, you can write a letter or email instead. This gives you the ability to plan out what you want to say without being interrupted. You can take the time to tell him why you are choosing adoption, describe the adoption process, and explain what kind of relationship you want from the adoptive family. Be sure to think about any questions the birth father may ask and try to explain your answers thoroughly in your email or letter.
Have Your Adoption Counselor or Attorney Speak to the Birth Father
There are many different reasons why some birth mothers do not want to sustain any type of direct contact with the birth father. In this instance, you have the option of appointing your adoption counselor or attorney to speak to the birth father. This allows the birth father to know about the adoption plan without having to confront him directly.
Can I Not Tell the Father?
When placing a child for adoption, Maryland law stipulates that the birth father must be notified. Be sure to consult with our in-house attorney or your personal attorney for advice on your individual situation. After the birth father knows about your pregnancy, you are required to answer his questions about the pregnancy. The birth father may want to know the due date of the pregnancy or what his role will be in the adoption process. If you do not feel comfortable speaking to the birth father, you can appoint your adoption counselor or attorney to provide factual answers to the birth father. If you don’t know who the birth father is, Adoption Makes Family can still help you in the creation of your adoption plan.
Want More Help? We Are Here For You!
Adoption Makes Family is here to help! We are a non-profit (501-C3) licensed adoption agency based in Maryland. Our birth parent adoption counselors are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for your convenience. If you would like our advice or just need to talk, please give us a call at any time.
24-Hour Hotline 410-683-2100
If you have any questions about how to create your adoption plan, you can contact us by e-mail – dr.kirschner@adoptionmakesfamily.org – or use our online contact form. Adoption Makes Family was founded to meet the needs of birth parents and adoptive parents in a manner that is sensitive, compassionate, and personal.