One of the most frequently asked questions we hear at Adoption Makes Family comes from parents who learn that their daughter is pregnant – “What should I do?” How Can I Help My Daughter? We understand that learning about your… Read More
I am Dean Kirschner. Why "Libby's Corner?" This blog, actually, all of Adoption Makes Family, is a tribute to my mother who brought adoption to our family in 1956 when my older sister was adopted.
When my mother died in 1967, she left a legacy of love for children that transcended any biological connection. Having been only 8 years old at the time of her death, I do not recall hearing specific words about adoption from my mother. However, through the years, having many conversations with her friends and our family, I have learned so much about my mother's feelings toward children, toward adoption.
Personally, the experience of adoption has been in my life since my own birth. I'm the little brother of an older sister who was adopted at birth. Adoption was never a big deal in our family. We were all treated the same. Biologically conceived by our parents or adopted, there was never a sense for me that we were loved any differently.
I remember at my first home study meeting in preparation to adopt my first son. The social worker asked if I had any personal experience with adoption. My first reaction was a sense of connection. I lived with adoption all my life. I embrace adoption. Now, I am the father of two boys, both adopted.
Every day I realize how much I love my sons. I laugh with my sons. I play with my sons. I parent my sons. Some days there are frustrations. More days, there are fun and joyful times with my sons. Some days, I have had to be a disciplinarian. More days, I am the supporter, the advocate, the fixer, the helper, the confidant, the teacher, the guide, the safety net, the protector. To sum it up, I'm Dad.
My sons are adopted, yet we don't hold that term as a distinction of difference. We celebrate adoption as a means by which I became Dad and they became my children. When I introduce my sons, I introduce them as my sons. Introduce my sister as my sister. The stories of how we became a family are amazingly wonderful. We share our adoption stories proudly. The adoption stories speak to the excitement of becoming a sister, a brother, a son, a grandson, a cousin, a nephew.
I have spoken with my sister and my sons about their feelings about their birth parents and the adoption. No one has forgotten that they were adopted, because adoption is an open conversation in our family. However, there is no angst about adoption. We answer questions honestly and allow complete and open discussions about birth parents and their adoption story. There are no mysteries or secrets. There are stories of love, excitement and family.
As for how we get along as siblings, my sister and I have our disagreements. More often, we have our agreements. We have fought, loved, laughed, played. We are just normal siblings. I don't feel adoption plays into our relationship. We have had wonderful discussions about adoption and birth parents. However, when it comes down to just being brother and sister, we are just that. Brother and sister. My sister has actively reached out and chatted with birth mothers who have created an adoption plan with Adoption Makes Family.
My sons have the same type of relationship. They love like brothers. They fight like brothers. They protect each other and look out for each other. They are not biologically related. They are related through adoption. But, above all, they are brothers.
And so, I turn back to my mother, Libby. I learned from my mother the unconditional love for children. Starting in her own little corner of our family, she shaped me, my sister, my sons and our world. Hopefully, this blog, Libby's Corner, can do the same for you.
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Can the Birth Mother Change Her Mind about Adoption?
One of the questions we are asked quite often by both biological and adoptive parents is whether or not birth mothers can change their mind about adoption. And the answer is YES. It is important to remember that an adoption… Read More
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What is an Adoption Plan?
An unplanned pregnancy can be a stressful time, especially if you are not in a place in life where raising a child is part of your future plans. You undoubtedly have a million thoughts running through your mind. Am I… Read More
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How a Birth Mother Can Choose Adoption Openness
As a birth mother, one of the biggest decisions you make after choosing adoption “when envisioning your child’s life is where you fit,” says Haley Kirkpatrick, Adoption.com. Do you see yourself in contact with your child? Do you meet in… Read More
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Birth Mother: Dealing With Life After Adoption
“With every adoption and every union, there is also loss, a biological parent being separated from their child,” explains Felicia Curcuru, Huffington Post. So, it should come as no surprise that one of the biggest questions we hear birth mothers… Read More
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Who Covers Adoption Medical Expenses in Maryland?
An unplanned pregnancy can be scary. There are undoubtedly a million questions running through your mind. And one of the most common questions we hear from birth mothers is “Can I afford the medical expenses?” Whether you are leaning toward… Read More
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Do I Have to Tell the Birth Father?
One of the most common questions we receive from birth mothers considering adoption is whether or not they have to tell the birth father about their plans. And the simple answer is Y-E-S. Legally, the father must consent to the… Read More
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What is Kinship Adoption?
An unplanned pregnancy can be a very difficult time, especially for birth parents who may not be ready to raise a child on their own. In these situations, adoption can be an excellent option. However, there are situations when birth… Read More
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Sharing Pictures & Letters with the Birth Mother
In an open adoption, your post-adoption relationship with your child’s birth mother is an exciting, yet sometimes scary part of your new family’s journey. “Open” can mean different things when it comes to adoption, but the most common open adoption… Read More
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Tips for Adoptive Parents Adjusting to Life After Adoption
“Settling into parenthood or the ‘post-adoption period’ can present its own difficulties for [adoptive parents],” according to the Child Welfare Information Gateway. In this article, we will provide a few tips to help adoptive parents, like you, better settle into… Read More