From the pre-placement visit to the birth, adoptive parents and birth parents can have a lot of interaction. It may seem stressful or awkward, but remember the circumstance that brought you together. Both parties share at least one thing in… Read More
I am Dean Kirschner. Why "Libby's Corner?" This blog, actually, all of Adoption Makes Family, is a tribute to my mother who brought adoption to our family in 1956 when my older sister was adopted.
When my mother died in 1967, she left a legacy of love for children that transcended any biological connection. Having been only 8 years old at the time of her death, I do not recall hearing specific words about adoption from my mother. However, through the years, having many conversations with her friends and our family, I have learned so much about my mother's feelings toward children, toward adoption.
Personally, the experience of adoption has been in my life since my own birth. I'm the little brother of an older sister who was adopted at birth. Adoption was never a big deal in our family. We were all treated the same. Biologically conceived by our parents or adopted, there was never a sense for me that we were loved any differently.
I remember at my first home study meeting in preparation to adopt my first son. The social worker asked if I had any personal experience with adoption. My first reaction was a sense of connection. I lived with adoption all my life. I embrace adoption. Now, I am the father of two boys, both adopted.
Every day I realize how much I love my sons. I laugh with my sons. I play with my sons. I parent my sons. Some days there are frustrations. More days, there are fun and joyful times with my sons. Some days, I have had to be a disciplinarian. More days, I am the supporter, the advocate, the fixer, the helper, the confidant, the teacher, the guide, the safety net, the protector. To sum it up, I'm Dad.
My sons are adopted, yet we don't hold that term as a distinction of difference. We celebrate adoption as a means by which I became Dad and they became my children. When I introduce my sons, I introduce them as my sons. Introduce my sister as my sister. The stories of how we became a family are amazingly wonderful. We share our adoption stories proudly. The adoption stories speak to the excitement of becoming a sister, a brother, a son, a grandson, a cousin, a nephew.
I have spoken with my sister and my sons about their feelings about their birth parents and the adoption. No one has forgotten that they were adopted, because adoption is an open conversation in our family. However, there is no angst about adoption. We answer questions honestly and allow complete and open discussions about birth parents and their adoption story. There are no mysteries or secrets. There are stories of love, excitement and family.
As for how we get along as siblings, my sister and I have our disagreements. More often, we have our agreements. We have fought, loved, laughed, played. We are just normal siblings. I don't feel adoption plays into our relationship. We have had wonderful discussions about adoption and birth parents. However, when it comes down to just being brother and sister, we are just that. Brother and sister. My sister has actively reached out and chatted with birth mothers who have created an adoption plan with Adoption Makes Family.
My sons have the same type of relationship. They love like brothers. They fight like brothers. They protect each other and look out for each other. They are not biologically related. They are related through adoption. But, above all, they are brothers.
And so, I turn back to my mother, Libby. I learned from my mother the unconditional love for children. Starting in her own little corner of our family, she shaped me, my sister, my sons and our world. Hopefully, this blog, Libby's Corner, can do the same for you.
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Writing a Letter to Your Birth Child
The adoption process has evolved a lot over the past decades. Today, birth mothers and fathers have more opportunities for continued contact than ever before. We are talking about Open Adoption. An open adoption means that information may be shared… Read More
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What to do When People Comment on Your Adopted Child Looking Different than You
A few weeks ago we wrote a blog about how to talk to your adopted child when they start to notice physical differences between themselves and you, their adopted parents – “Why don’t I look like you?” But what happens… Read More
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How to Talk to Your Child about Adoption When They Ask “Why Don’t I Look Like You?”
It’s the question every adoptive parent expects – “Why Don’t I Look Like You?” It’s just another way for your son or daughter to ask “Where do I come from?” or “Am I really your child?” But long before younger… Read More
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What Factors Might a Birth Mother Consider When Selecting an Adoptive Family?
Choosing adoption is the toughest decision a birth mother will ever have to make. Selecting an adoptive family, meanwhile, is one of the most exciting and rewarding parts of the adoption plan. You are able to choose the family that… Read More
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A Pre-Placement Visit from the Birth Mother’s Perspective
When it comes to choosing an adopted family, there are several factors that come into play: family makeup, religion, race, location, etc. Another important factor for many birth mothers tends to be the Pre-Placement Visit. If you so choose, you… Read More
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Tips for Birth Mothers When Talking to Your Family about Adoption
Deciding to put a child up for adoption can be a wonderful gift, but an incredibly difficult decision for birth mothers to make. So, it is nice to have the support of your family members. A strong support system can… Read More
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Are There Benefits to Having a Family Member Adopt Your Child?
An unplanned pregnancy can be an unsettling experience. For many young parents, the thought of raising a child is almost too much to bear. And while you may not be ready to raise a child on your own, you may… Read More
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What Are the Benefits of a Local Adoption Agency When Creating an Adoption Plan?
An unplanned pregnancy can be an unsettling experience. There are so many decisions to make, it can be very overwhelming. Your thoughts may be racing; you may feel scared, but you should know you are not alone. Adoption Makes… Read More
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Dealing with a Birth Father Who Disagrees with the Adoption Plan
When creating an adoption plan, it is always best when both birth parents are in agreement. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. So what happens when the birth father disagrees with decisions the birth mother has made? What happens… Read More