If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy, you are not alone. According to Planned Parenthood, about half of all women in the U.S. have an unplanned pregnancy at some point in their lives. It can be a scary time, but… Read More
I am Dean Kirschner. Why "Libby's Corner?" This blog, actually, all of Adoption Makes Family, is a tribute to my mother who brought adoption to our family in 1956 when my older sister was adopted.
When my mother died in 1967, she left a legacy of love for children that transcended any biological connection. Having been only 8 years old at the time of her death, I do not recall hearing specific words about adoption from my mother. However, through the years, having many conversations with her friends and our family, I have learned so much about my mother's feelings toward children, toward adoption.
Personally, the experience of adoption has been in my life since my own birth. I'm the little brother of an older sister who was adopted at birth. Adoption was never a big deal in our family. We were all treated the same. Biologically conceived by our parents or adopted, there was never a sense for me that we were loved any differently.
I remember at my first home study meeting in preparation to adopt my first son. The social worker asked if I had any personal experience with adoption. My first reaction was a sense of connection. I lived with adoption all my life. I embrace adoption. Now, I am the father of two boys, both adopted.
Every day I realize how much I love my sons. I laugh with my sons. I play with my sons. I parent my sons. Some days there are frustrations. More days, there are fun and joyful times with my sons. Some days, I have had to be a disciplinarian. More days, I am the supporter, the advocate, the fixer, the helper, the confidant, the teacher, the guide, the safety net, the protector. To sum it up, I'm Dad.
My sons are adopted, yet we don't hold that term as a distinction of difference. We celebrate adoption as a means by which I became Dad and they became my children. When I introduce my sons, I introduce them as my sons. Introduce my sister as my sister. The stories of how we became a family are amazingly wonderful. We share our adoption stories proudly. The adoption stories speak to the excitement of becoming a sister, a brother, a son, a grandson, a cousin, a nephew.
I have spoken with my sister and my sons about their feelings about their birth parents and the adoption. No one has forgotten that they were adopted, because adoption is an open conversation in our family. However, there is no angst about adoption. We answer questions honestly and allow complete and open discussions about birth parents and their adoption story. There are no mysteries or secrets. There are stories of love, excitement and family.
As for how we get along as siblings, my sister and I have our disagreements. More often, we have our agreements. We have fought, loved, laughed, played. We are just normal siblings. I don't feel adoption plays into our relationship. We have had wonderful discussions about adoption and birth parents. However, when it comes down to just being brother and sister, we are just that. Brother and sister. My sister has actively reached out and chatted with birth mothers who have created an adoption plan with Adoption Makes Family.
My sons have the same type of relationship. They love like brothers. They fight like brothers. They protect each other and look out for each other. They are not biologically related. They are related through adoption. But, above all, they are brothers.
And so, I turn back to my mother, Libby. I learned from my mother the unconditional love for children. Starting in her own little corner of our family, she shaped me, my sister, my sons and our world. Hopefully, this blog, Libby's Corner, can do the same for you.
-
Teen Birth Mothers: Know Your Rights
An unplanned pregnancy can be a scary experience, especially for teenage mothers. However, it is important to know that you are not alone, says Megan Cohen, adoption attorney and birth mother. 85 percent of all teenage pregnancies are unplanned. It… Read More
-
How to Prepare for an Adoption
The road to adoption is not always smooth. There are often speed bumps and even potholes along the way. This is true for both birth parents and adoptive parents. So, it is important to be as prepared as possible to… Read More
-
Birth Parents: What to Know if You’re Considering Adoption
“There are countless reasons why a woman would decide to [create an adoption plan], and none of them are easy or obvious,” says Lane Moore, Cosmopolitan. So, it’s important to work your way through the process so you can make… Read More
-
Adoptive Families: How to Deal with Nosy, Rude, & Annoying Questions
As any adoptive parent knows, it’s often impossible to avoid nosy, annoying, and even outright rude questions concerning your son or daughter. Sometimes, even well-meaning individuals can be a bit too intrusive. “These negative messages are usually, but not always,… Read More
-
Adoptive Parents: How to Maintain a Strong Relationship with Your Spouse/Partner
The adoption process, while incredibly rewarding, can put a strain on even the healthiest of relationships. “No doubt adoption is stressful for the child, but it is also stressful for the parents,” says Dawn Davenport, Creating a Family. “It’s not… Read More
-
Adoptive Parents: Adjusting to Life After Adoption
Having children – no matter how you go about it – requires quite a bit of adjustment as you find your new normal. Finding Your New Normal “Settling into parenthood or the ‘postadoption period’ can present its own difficulties for… Read More
-
Adoptive Parents: Tips for Bonding with Your Child
Almost all adoptive parents have the same initial fear – will my child love me? “The reality of adoption is that we share our beloved children with another family,” says Dawn Davenport, Creating a Family. “We want them to love… Read More
-
Birth Mothers: How Do You Know if Adoption is the Right Choice?
An unplanned pregnancy can be a very overwhelming experience, and it is natural to feel nervous, scared, or even angry at the situation. “It doesn’t make you a bad mother to have conflicted feelings,” says psychologist Lara Honos-Webb, Ph.D., A.D.H.D…. Read More