For many adoptive parents, the prospect of discussing adoption with their child is a scary one. How will the child react? Will the news impact your relationship with your child? Will your child resent you for not telling them sooner?… Read More
I am Dean Kirschner. Why "Libby's Corner?" This blog, actually, all of Adoption Makes Family, is a tribute to my mother who brought adoption to our family in 1956 when my older sister was adopted.
When my mother died in 1967, she left a legacy of love for children that transcended any biological connection. Having been only 8 years old at the time of her death, I do not recall hearing specific words about adoption from my mother. However, through the years, having many conversations with her friends and our family, I have learned so much about my mother's feelings toward children, toward adoption.
Personally, the experience of adoption has been in my life since my own birth. I'm the little brother of an older sister who was adopted at birth. Adoption was never a big deal in our family. We were all treated the same. Biologically conceived by our parents or adopted, there was never a sense for me that we were loved any differently.
I remember at my first home study meeting in preparation to adopt my first son. The social worker asked if I had any personal experience with adoption. My first reaction was a sense of connection. I lived with adoption all my life. I embrace adoption. Now, I am the father of two boys, both adopted.
Every day I realize how much I love my sons. I laugh with my sons. I play with my sons. I parent my sons. Some days there are frustrations. More days, there are fun and joyful times with my sons. Some days, I have had to be a disciplinarian. More days, I am the supporter, the advocate, the fixer, the helper, the confidant, the teacher, the guide, the safety net, the protector. To sum it up, I'm Dad.
My sons are adopted, yet we don't hold that term as a distinction of difference. We celebrate adoption as a means by which I became Dad and they became my children. When I introduce my sons, I introduce them as my sons. Introduce my sister as my sister. The stories of how we became a family are amazingly wonderful. We share our adoption stories proudly. The adoption stories speak to the excitement of becoming a sister, a brother, a son, a grandson, a cousin, a nephew.
I have spoken with my sister and my sons about their feelings about their birth parents and the adoption. No one has forgotten that they were adopted, because adoption is an open conversation in our family. However, there is no angst about adoption. We answer questions honestly and allow complete and open discussions about birth parents and their adoption story. There are no mysteries or secrets. There are stories of love, excitement and family.
As for how we get along as siblings, my sister and I have our disagreements. More often, we have our agreements. We have fought, loved, laughed, played. We are just normal siblings. I don't feel adoption plays into our relationship. We have had wonderful discussions about adoption and birth parents. However, when it comes down to just being brother and sister, we are just that. Brother and sister. My sister has actively reached out and chatted with birth mothers who have created an adoption plan with Adoption Makes Family.
My sons have the same type of relationship. They love like brothers. They fight like brothers. They protect each other and look out for each other. They are not biologically related. They are related through adoption. But, above all, they are brothers.
And so, I turn back to my mother, Libby. I learned from my mother the unconditional love for children. Starting in her own little corner of our family, she shaped me, my sister, my sons and our world. Hopefully, this blog, Libby's Corner, can do the same for you.
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Creating an Adoption Plan: Step By Step Process
Adoption is not an easy decision. It is one that requires a lot of thought and reflection, as well as education. Step 1) Explore Your Options “Being informed is the only healthy way of acting once women find out about… Read More
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Birth Mothers: Telling Your Family You’ve Created an Adoption Plan
Deciding to create an adoption plan is an incredibly difficult decision. It can help if the birth mother has a strong support system. And in order to create such a support system, a birth mother may decide to tell her… Read More
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Kinship Adoption: The Pros and Cons of Family Member Adoption
Having a family member adopt a child (kinship adoption) has its advantages and disadvantages. “Some women feel that it’s best for the baby to keep him in the family,” says Meghan Cohen, an adoption professional. However, kinship adoption creates a… Read More
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Factors a Birth Mother & Birth Father Should Discuss When Considering an Adoption Plan
Pregnancy can be a very emotional time in a mother’s life. And when that pregnancy is unplanned, you can tack on confusion, fear, and uncertainty. “It isn’t something you wrap your head around overnight,” says Ann Douglas, author of The… Read More
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The Truth About Adoption: Myths vs Reality
Adoption is a complex topic and not one many fully understand. Our goal in this article is to explore some of the common misconceptions surrounding adoption and show how this selfless act is one of the most beautiful and caring… Read More
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Managing Expectations: How Will My Life Change After Adoption?
It’s safe to say that a child, whether biological or adopted, will drastically change your life. A lot of the times this change is for the better – you’re adding a new member to your loving family – but sometimes… Read More
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Dealing with the Unknowns of Adoption: Will My Child Be Healthy?
Starting a family almost always carries a certain bit of uncertainty. What will the future hold? What will the child be like? Will my child be healthy? It can be scary. And adoption is certainly no different. “Most of us are… Read More
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Same Sex Adoption Tips (LGBT)
“Adoption among gay and lesbian couples has never been more common or more socially accepted,” writes Kate Bayless, Parents.com. Still, there are some hurdles to overcome with same sex adoption. “Gay and lesbian couples looking to adopt face unique challenges… Read More
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Birth Parents: How to Negotiate Openness (Open Adoption vs Closed Adoption)
Considering the degree of openness in adoption is important for both birth and adoptive families “Perhaps the most important thing to consider when envisioning your child’s life is where you fit,” says Haley Kirkpatrick, Adoption.com. If you decide that adoption… Read More