Recently, we discussed the importance of communicating your adoption plan to the hospital well in advance. However, before you do that, you should think about what YOU want from this experience. What is YOUR birth plan? While some things are out of your control (think emergency C-section), there is quite a bit that you do have a say in. For instance, do you want to spend time with the baby in the hospital?
When to Say Goodbye
One of the toughest decisions a birth mother has to make is when to say goodbye to their child.
“I have photographs of all four of us spending time in my room,” says birth mother Janel Indingaro, who spent time with her baby and the adoptive family. “In the photos we are laughing and holding this sweet precious girl and I cherish those pictures. I am glad that I had this time with the three of them which helped me find a comfort zone with everything going on around me. During my hospital stay, I had no idea of the coming whirlwind of emotions I would soon cope with…”
Still, a lot of birth mothers decide not to spend time with the baby in the hospital. “They know themselves and feel certain that if they do see their baby, it will be much more difficult to place their baby for adoption if they hold the baby,” says one adoption professional.
For many, it comes down to the type of adoption you’ve chosen. If you’ve chosen an open adoption, it might be nice to have some one-on-one time with your child. However, if you’ve chosen a closed adoption, meaning no future contact with the child, some birth mothers find it easier to choose not to see the child after birth. For these cases, birth mothers can have the child taken directly to the nursery and “have the baby discharged directly to the adoptive parents when allowed,” says Peter J. Wiernicki, Esq. “If the hospital insists on releasing the baby to the birth mother, you may be able to reach a compromise whereby a third party, such as a relative, an attorney, or an agency social worker, takes custody.”
The choice is up to you. You should do what YOU feel most comfortable with. This hospital stay should be tailored to your needs and wishes. Do you want to spend time with your baby? That is up to you. Do you want the adoptive parents in the delivery room? That is up to you. Do you want any visitors? That is up to you. And most importantly, you can always change your mind.
Creating Your Adoption Plan
Adoption Makes Family is here for you. We are a non-profit (501-C3) licensed adoption agency based in Maryland founded to meet the needs of birth parents and adoptive parents in a manner that is sensitive, compassionate, and personal. Our experienced professionals can help walk you through the process and answer any questions you may have.
Call Us Now at (410) 683-2100
If you have any questions, you can contact us by phone at 410-683-2100, by e-mail at dr.kirschner@adoptionmakesfamily.org or use our online contact form.